How I Learned about the Game of Football

After the Red River Rivalry blowout I just witnessed (BOOMER!), I feel it's an appropriate time to tell you how I learned the game of football.

Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love sports. I yell at the TV during games, kick my feet wildly during big plays, and make ridiculous claims when frustrated, such as, "I would make a better quarterback than Romo!" and throw my hands up in exasperation. (Actually, maybe that particular claim isn't so preposterous, given Romo's terrible performance of late.)

But my love of sports didn't always run so deep. In fact (and this is hard for even me to believe), the first thirteen or fourteen years of my life, I hated football. My mom is the one who taught me about sports and instilled a love of all major sports in me. When she'd put the TV on a football game after church on Sundays, I used to think it was her way of telling me she didn't want me in the room.

I mean, I was very vocal about my dislike of this boring and confusing game (shocking, I know). "Can't we watch something good?" I asked many Sunday afternoons. The answer was always no. Football was good, she claimed.

So when she spent the day yelling at the TV, kicking her feet wildly during big plays, and making ridiculous claims about her ability to coach better than Bill Parcells, I concluded that she wanted me out.

I guess I just got so bored one Sunday that instead of holing myself up in my room with a Nancy Drew mystery, I ventured out to the living room, plopped on the couch, and tried to watch a football game. After all, if I ever wanted to watch TV on a Sunday, clearly it was going to have to be football.

I don't remember specifics (this was over a decade ago), but I can only assume the questions started approximately two minutes in.

"What just happened?"
"Did they score a point?"
"What's a false start?"
"So what's offsides, then?"

And the question that took me the longest to understand: "What's a first down?"

My poor mom spent weeks trying to get me to understand the downs system. Understanding it perfectly well now, I honestly don't know what was so confusing. I remember thinking something like, Why would a fourth down be bad? Four is bigger than one, so wouldn't you be excited about getting a fourth down?

When I finally got a handle on the whole downs thing, I got stuck on why they'd punt the ball away on 4th and 2. "Two yards," I'd say. "That's nothing! Why don't they just go for it?"

"Because if they don't make it, the other team gets the ball right there and will have good field position," my mom patiently explained on more than one occasion.

Now I understand coaches' reasoning for this decision, of course, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I still think they should just go for it. I hate a wasted drive.

Obviously, I eventually learned enough to follow along and then enough to actually look forward to watching football with my mom all day Sunday. I'm nowhere near as knowledgeable about the sport as she is (I never know who the penalty is on until the refs announce it; she always knows), but I can hold my own and love spending weekends watching nothing but football.

I'm glad my mom never gave up on me (and Lord knows she had every right, what with me asking the same questions over and over), because we truly bonded over football...and eventually baseball and basketball.

My wonderful mom taught me the difference between a false start and offsides, what the red zone is, and the importance of patience and sticking with something...even if it takes you weeks to understand.